Bully Buster

When I think of the word bully, I think of various things, such as, personal safety, boundaries, verbal & physical attacks, emotional and physical safety, cyber & text bulling, rape, abduction, abuse, assault, & suicide.  When I watch the news or read the paper, I see a lot of violence ranging from snubbing & gossip, to outright killing people of all ages & suicide.  I feel it is growing at an alarming rate in our society. 

From my own personal experience, I believe people can get bullied when they were perceived as different.  Those differences can be:

• seeming weaker, less popular, knowledgeable, & less confident than others
• look different:  wearing glasses, braces, over weight, color, deformity
• not being able to afford cool stuff that others have
• having unique interests or talents
• belong to a different social group, such as lesbian, gay, people with disabilities.

So why do people bully others?  In my research to answer this question,  I discovered that contrary to what many think, bullies are loners and have a low self esteem;  bullies are more likely to have an average and above average self esteem and make friends easily. 

In fact, the Health Resources and Services Administration reports that “children and youth who bully usually have at least a small group of friends who support or encourage their bullying.”

Here are the TOP 5 reasons why bullies bully others:

• They have a strong desire to exercise power & control over another
• They lack empathy for others and some get pleasure out of seeing anther's pain
• They get rewarded for bullying by now having lunch money, attention, popularity
• Parts of their brain that allows them to self-regulate their emotions are inactive
• Typically come from families that display little warmth and affection

Lesser reasons were:

• feel poorly about them selves
• retaliation
• low self esteem

So I ask myself what things are we doing in our culture that are enabling this behavior.  We look the other way because we don't want to get involved, sometimes because of fear -  minding our own business!?!?   If we are all not part of the solution, aren't we in essence saying we are part of the problem? 

When I interviewed people about bullying, almost everyone could recall at least one incident where they personally experienced some sort of bulling.  Some even had life long suffering from those incidents - even suicide or jail. 

I know change does not happen over night.  So what are some ways we can personally take a more active roll in being a bully buster?  I have a few ideas:

• stop laughing when is mean spirited talk and activity going on. Speak up.
• don't be an audience for the bully
• be a friend, sit with them, include them, listen - It doesn't have to be huge
• tell someone in authority, & if that doesn't work, keep telling! 
• help someone get away from the bully
• be an good example
• be kind
• participate in anti-bully activities
• engage in activities to increase your own self confidence & personal power

My hope and plea is that we start being more than a bystander and become the change we want to see.  The next person bullied could be you, me, your child or sibling.