Fences

I have been thinking about fences lately.  Fences can be something you see and something you don't see (invisible).  They mark a line, set a boundary, protect, keep something safe, and show what belongs to someone.

We can find physical fences all over.  But it is interesting to notice other types of fences, such as the lines on a football field, crosswalk, parking spaces, lines on the freeway, bicycle lanes.

Invisible fences can't be seen and are somewhat hard to know where they exist and where they don't.  The invisible fence for dogs can't be seen, but once a dog steps over the invisible fence there is a sound or physical sensation that dogs don't like that prevents them from crossing the invisible fence.  This is suppose to keep the dog in his yard and prevent unwanted animals from entering the dogs yard.

I think personal boundaries are like invisible fences.  They are not necessarily seen by others but are felt inside us.  When they are crossed, our personal warning system is triggered and we are alerted.  It's that feeling of oooh, that doesn't feel fun or good anymore.  For me, it causes me to ask myself, Wow!  What just happened to me?  I highly recommend paying attention to your personal warning system.  It can alert you to danger, harm, or a change in something that once felt good.

It is sometimes hard to recognize what belongs in someone yard or belongs in our yards - such as weeds, unwelcome treatment, or words .  If we all understand that each one of us belongs to ourselves, including our words and actions, we can make safer more empowering choices about what we let in our yard and what we don't.  Unfortunately, the reality is that although we do belong to ourselves, there are some things that are not always our choice.  Drats!

How can we tell others they have crossed over our invisible fence?

1. First, stay calm
2. Speak up.  You can say things like:  Ouch! Hey! Stop than!  I don't like that! That hurt my feelings or does not feel good.  Stop! No thank you!  All said firmly and confidently.
3. Physically put up your invisible fence so others can see.  I do this by stretching my arms down or out in front of me.  Then, I flex one or both my hands up, stretching my fingers out, and spreading my fingers out.  This looks like a fence to me or someone trying to stop traffic  I can show my invisible fence when I say stop that!  
4. Go tell someone.  It can be helpful to get a reality check from someone you trust.  Get validation, encouragement, or brainstorm ways to handle the situation.  Talking about things can help you discover solutions where otherwise you might have felt trapped or stuck.  Keep in mind, this is not to be confused with complaining or gossiping.
5. Persist in getting help with your situation.  Sometimes others can be too busy to really help you.  So keep persisting in getting help until you are satisfied.
6. Always tell the whole story.  It is easier to help someone when they know the whole story.
7. Know what your choices are and what is NOT your choice.  Once we understand what is our choice or in our yards to take care of, we can see more clearly and make better decisions.  
8. Problems can be solved better when they are not kept secret.