Thoughts on Retaliation

The song I posted about in a prior post "Pumped Up Kicks" has me thinking about retaliation. I think we all know what it is like to want to get even.

Here is an example where I thought retaliation was in fun and harmless.  There were several girls at a sleep over.  They were anxiously waiting for a package of nail polish to be delivered for one of their fun activities.  The brother in the house received the package and hid it from the girls - causally taunting them about the boxes arrival and where it was.  The girls found the package.  Laughing they warned the brother to sleep with one eye opened.  Later that night, the girls went in while he was sleeping and painted one of his finger nails.  I think this kind of retaliation was harmless and was in fun.

I certainly can understand the desire for retaliation or revenge.  In general, I don't think retaliation and revenge are acceptable ways to deal with unkind behavior.  As a parent and someone who has seen bullying behavior and was bullied, I can understand how one might feel.  I have spent time training myself so I could teach my son ways to choose the higher road when he encounters life's random acts of unkindness.

From a child being taunted on the playground to the office worker who is snubbed and mocked on a daily basis, all show that people frequently take out their pain and anger on others, even those who had nothing to do with the original stressful incident.  The bullied person may go home and kick the cat or yell at a loved one.  Revenge and retaliation can be directed anywhere - inanimate things, others, and animals.

I believe we are capable of rising above without minimizing our experience and feelings, sacrificing our self esteem or our social status  Here are just a few ideas:

1. You can not take it personal by seeing the person as hurting
2. Leave the situation and/or stay away from the person
3. Share your experience with someone you trust, maybe ask for suggestions on what to do
4. Recognize that random acts of unkindness, retaliation and revenge may have nothing to do with you
5. Use humor to diffuse the situation
6. Try to imagine the situation from the other persons perspective
7. Ask ourselves is the aftermath of our revenge worth it?
8. Do we feel better or worse if we acted in retaliation?

"He who seeks revenge should remember to dig two graves."  - Chinese proverb